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只是想说，现在一无所有。

从头再来，也是绝不可能。

躺在潮热的大地上，潮湿的地气侵袭着身体的每一个骨缝。

疼痛已经麻木了。大脑唯一可以思考的便是，圆圆去哪里了？

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吴三桂的军队在已经发展到六省之内，实力之广，让朝廷大为担心。

朝廷调集重兵，精心谋划，意在一举歼灭三藩之乱。

又有传言，吴三桂欲脱离朝廷，自立为王，已派亲信回到湖南，筹谋复明之事。

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夜里，这独自寂寞的夜晚，春夏之交的昆虫极其的多，极其的活跃，嘈杂的像昔日的长安街。

我也多了个酒葫芦，取了那把剑，当掉了，换几个钱，酒和葫芦就有了、、、

从来没发现酒有这么好喝，每一口下去，那是种折磨自己获得的爽快，难以言明。

总之，脑袋一热，什么都过去了。

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这俨然是一座空城，夜晚全给了虫子，除了几声狗吠，还能让夜晚多了点激情，真的再难找出可以大喊的理由。

客栈的屋檐上，灰白色的瓦片层层叠叠，偶尔有块碎掉了，中间还长出来几株小草。

夜晚的风才是最迷人的，刮过来，都把魂魄给刮走了。

这是个万家灯火的时候，而现在却只剩一颗孤零零的月亮，白的惨淡，透明的隐隐约约的月光表面，似有嫦娥玉兔的影子，却更显得凄寒。

从怀里摸出白天抢到的那两封信，仔细看了看署名，一切明了。

不错，信正是写给我的。

一封来自圆圆。

君亲启：

我不知道你去哪里了，你不需要给我这种沉默的理由来让我放开你。

自从当初的离开，一切都已经开始变质，就算我们都为所谓的爱放下过什么，但爱情开始与一些事情等价起来。

命运不属于自己，我又拿什么和你谈爱？

可是你走的比我想象的突然，我本以为我们可以到达我们的云南。

这下看来，你陪不了我了。

你的扇子我带走了，但愿你能时刻想起你师父的话。

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我想我不属于任何人，即便是在爱情里。

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这盛传的城南瘟疫，你不可不小心，客栈老板赶人了，我也要走了。

你不会回来，假如你回来了，看到这封信，不要怪我。我从来没怪过你。我只是因为爱，纵容了太多，也失去了太多、、、

杨花落扬州，花开又花收；

江南明月夜，一日放扁舟；

望君安康，亲挂念。

---------圆敬上

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“为什么会这样？”

我才打算认真爱你，你却不而别。

也许在你看来，是我的错，是我在逃避，是我先逃离。

可是、、、

扯了扯这团成乱麻的头发，闷了一口酒，长啸一声，夜空下久久回响着凄厉的嚎叫、、、引动了十里长街的犬吠。偶尔飘过了几句咒骂。我却不在放在心上。

她走了，我突然觉得自己做的一切都没有意义，生命然就缺少了快乐的源头，尽管和她在一起并非都是快乐，可丢了她，我连生气的欲望都会消失、、、

手已经提不起，不是因为它杀的人多，重的拿不起来，而是我把自己给杀了，拿不起的剑，不会沾染任何血腥。

把信揉做一团，在掌心捻了又捻，又再次展开：

杨花落扬州，花开又花收；

江南明月夜，一日放扁舟；

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还有一封信，署名：独孤门生！！！！

是他！？又是他！？

谁都有拒绝的权利，但谁都无法逃避选择。

信是写在一张极其小的纸片上：

家国事，天下事。

死生由命，为各志。

仇生仇，怨结怨。

不为生者多执笔，但祈死者长已矣。

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豁然开朗，大智若愚。

他的智慧足矣每天躺在青青的草里，啃着秸秆，来回味这艰苦的人生、、、

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年少，经不起等待和挽留。

只是一转眼的功夫，丢了幸福。

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“圆圆！！！！你到底去了哪里？！！！！”

我对着月空大喊，除了几声狗叫在回应着我，一片空荡荡的、、、声音传到了直到再也听不见的远处。

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果不其然，长沙城在大部分人撤走的时候，突然进驻了好多兵力。

又有大事要发生了、、、、、

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没日没夜的醉，只想让自己停留在最初的世界。那时，春天就是春天，没有任何一种感觉，可以干扰到你，没有任何一种情绪提醒你自己。

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一壶酒，我从南大街，一周北上、、、、、、

传说中的街北，瘟疫泛滥，已经死了好人、、、、

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北大街位于靠近城郊的位置，人口少，流动性小，。我过去的时候，军队已经把路都设了木桩，卡在城门口。来往者，一一检查，逐一放行。

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这样的地方怎么可能起了瘟疫？

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